Day 1 and Counting (Summer 2017)

If there is a mother who returned from vacation with her family and declared herself rested, relaxed and rejuvenated, she needs to write a manual and retire with the proceeds.


It is the Monday after 8 days away and I want to take a nap. A deep sleep like Rip Van Winkle where I wake up to a new world where I’m not in charge of anything. Oh, and it’s raining.

On closer inspection, if you analyze my vacation by the numbers, I should be more exhausted than I am.

Zero charger cords: David Copperfield could do an entire episode about the illusion of owning a craptillion chargers and not having one handy EVER. We spent half the vacation searching/borrowing/complaining about missing charging cords.

Three states: We drove from Maryland, to Delaware and then Pennsylvania for a weekend family reunion. That’s a lot of stops for bad bathrooms, questionable nutrition and dog walking on minuscule strips of grass while inhaling exhaust fumes. Don’t get me started on the bad radio.

Five loaves of bread: I struck a deal this year; I would make lunch every day as long as I never had to cook dinner. So, every afternoon, I slogged through the hot sand back to our place and made sandwiches while the dog stared at me; willing me not to leave him and return to the beach. I did, nonetheless, with a made-to-order sandwich, chips and a drink for each of us. Mo’s Diner was open and flourishing.

Eight days: A family of five plus one needy canine hit the road for eight days. That’s a lot of stuff. People ask why I have a Yukon and it is simply to accommodate this one week of vacation every year when we all cram into our clown car with everything we own. The other 51 weeks I have no idea what is in that behemoth but I know if we ever got stranded, we could survive for weeks until they rescued us.

Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall: What can I say? Beer makes vacation more relaxing. What it does not do, however, is put pep in my step the Monday I return to reality. Maybe carrying around a heavy cooler burned off some calories. I will never know because calorie counting is not allowed on vacay. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Two thousand partially finished bottles of water: The remnants of bottled water multiplied like rabbits. Every time I walked into a room or emptied a bag, there were more mocking me. Each of them was partially finished and offered no clue as to who had started to consume them. By Thursday, I was using the left over bottles for coffee, putting them in the dog bowl, washing dishes with that fancy spring water– doing anything not to waste them. We were headed for the EPA watch list for sure.

One million teeny tiny grains of sand- Sand is the lice of the outdoors—stubborn, itchy and impossible to get rid of. No matter how much I shook things and vacuumed, the sand just scuttled off and landed somewhere else. I’m sure we ingested plenty with my home-made lunch and brought some home for a souvenir. Whoopee!

Are you tired yet?

What counts the most, of course, is the memories. The fact that all of us could actually string together 8 days to vacation as a family is like a modern-day miracle. And with a college departure looming, sports kicking into high gear and the summer winding down, our days are numbered. I am going to enjoy every one of them, no matter how exhausting the pace may be.


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Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

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