How to Crush the Last 30 Days of the School Year In 15 Not So Easy Steps

“Grit it out. Bite your tongue…”

Did you know that many marathons have a harsh uphill in the last mile? Well, May and June are the uphill of the 10-month marathon known as the school year.

Brutal. Cruel. Torture

Yes, yes and yes. But, with the right training you can reach the finish line.

Here are my tips:

1. Do not count the days. Summer is knocking. Pretend you’re not home. Hide. Run and hide until summer busts down the door with an AK-40 and holds you hostage.

2. Step away from the lunch bag. Buy lunch whenever you can afford to. Your kids will love you because the processed food at school tastes better than your processed food from home

3. Don’t ask what they learned today. No one is learning anything. Their brains are fried just like yours.

4. Embrace the Word Search. Or crossword puzzle. Or coloring sheet. It is busy work. Busy is good.

5. Do not watch slide shows. Slide shows make us cry because of well, total cuteness and that nasty march of time

6. Order the school supplies for next year. If they offer you a pre-packaged option TAKE IT. Until Staples starts selling alcohol, shopping for supplies in August is doomed to fail.

7. Do not get out of your car at the bus or pick up. There are no more words. Conversation dried up in April. Move on.

8. Buy more stain sticks. No matter what crap is crusted on those clothes, adopt the motto “Make It Work” The law is very hazy regarding what actually constitutes “clothing” a child.

9. See #8 for shoes that have holes and backpacks with broken zippers.

10. Purge. Like rabbits, school papers multiply while you sleep. By June they are plotting a mutiny. Nothing shifts the power like a paper shredder.

11. Walk away from the oven. Kids are just as happy with 3 Starburst as they are with one more cookie or cupcake. Remember Christmas and all those baked goods? Yeah, no one wants you going all Martha Stewart on them at the T-30 stage of the game.

12. Rise above. Really. Grit your teeth. Bite your tongue. Chug wine like Diet Coke. Whatever it takes. If your kids sense weakness in these final days then we all lose. Sign that test. Glue that poster. Make those exam flashcards. Crawl across that finish line dragging your kids behind you.

13. Pity the teachers. They probably lost some steam right after Spring Break. See, the reason teachers receive an annual salary and work about 10 months is because the last 30 days count like dog years. So the last month actually equals about 200 long, hot, whiney days. Math lesson over.

14. Don’t stress over teacher gifts. HAHAHAHAHA! Yes, I am kidding. Had to see if you were paying attention. My kids have like 100 teachers each and when I think about how to thank them appropriately, I need a blood pressure cuff or a brown bag to breathe into. If you don’t have stress about this, then you are doing something wrong.

15. We are in this together. Actually, we aren’t but it sounds good. It is every man for himself. I submit the May Sign-Up Genius as Exhibit A. Any slot that includes showing up, dressed, chipper and showered is wide open. The opportunities for sending in lame stuff from home are snapped up before you can remember your password.

Lastly and most importantly, remember it is fleeting. It seems like a marathon when you are in it, but in hindsight it is really a sprint.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Colette
    May 05, 2015 @ 17:44:47

    Great tips, Mo. I was wondering why I feel like I’m spinning in a hamster cage and getting absolutely nothing done. Xo Colette


    • magnificenceinthemundane
      May 05, 2015 @ 17:51:13

      Yes even hamsters need company, right? We are all on this crazy ride together!! Take care!


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Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

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