Day 16, 2014

This will be the last blog entry in the Summer 2014 Series. I always say the summer flies but this time I really, really mean it.

The boys are all back in their respective schools and Murphy and I are left to rattle around the house and wonder where all the noisy people went. I have gotten so used to writing amid all the chaos, the silence is actually distracting. A reversal I never would have expected.

And there were plenty of other unexpected summer findings as well:

1. I am a bona fide dinosaur. I always suspected this, but this summer confirmed it. I should publicly thank my children for letting me believe that I was sort of hip when they knew I was hopeless all along. It was act of kindness.

Just the iPhone apps alone ensure that I am behind the times, all the time. Did you know there is a flashcard app? An actual app that quizzes you using flash cards. I cannot begin to count the HOURS OF MY LIFE that have been lost to studying with my children and flash cards.

While I was in a total panic about Mac’s Spanish book being on back order, he was fine. That’s because he took a picture of the vocabulary he needed for a test from someone else’s book, emailed it to himself, downloaded the flashcard app, uploaded the words and quizzed himself on his phone while he was at work.

For me, that whole process would have come to a screeching halt when I could not remember my Apple ID and password. No matter how many times I reset it, they tell me the answers to my secret questions are incorrect. Seriously?

2. You can, literally, almost DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT. While watching a kids show on a kids station. Drew turned to me and asked,

“What is Playtex Sport anyway?”

I was sitting slightly behind Drew and Reed and they could not see my face. THANK GOD! I turned red, gulped for air and tried to escape, but my foot got all tangled up in the ottoman. I was like a prisoner looking for just one small hole in the fence. Anything to shimmy through to reach the light on the other side.

I am sure that it was the word “Sport” being thrown into a feminine product commercial that caught their attention—thank you very little Playtex. So, I had no choice but to teach the boys a phrase they will hear over and over in their lifetime.

“Oh, it’s just, you know, one of those female things.”

And like millions of men before them, they instinctively knew to close their mouths and not say one more word. Once we familiarize them with the term, “down there” my work here will be done.

3. I love swim team. And no I am not saying that because my kids are the best swimmers. I am saying it because they aren’t. What is not to love about a sport that encourages kids of all skill levels AND HAS NO TRY OUTS? Everyone is welcome to join the team and do their best. It is that odd mix of learning to compete against yourself, work as a team and compete against other swimmers that makes it unique. I spend a million dollars on the concessions at two meets a week, I cry at the end of year slide show and replace at least two pairs of broken/sucky goggles per season but I would not change a thing.

4. Drew actually likes to clean toilets…and cook. There is really nothing more annoying than making your child do something as punishment and they end up being totally ok with it. You want to be mad, but you aren’t really because you found out they will do something ALL THE TIME that you thought was a one-time shot.

Me: “You are cleaning the toilets young man and that is all there is to it.”
** I assure you I sounded very stern and serious in this moment. Very scary**

Drew: “No, that is disgusting.”
** I should have realized that Drew is not really offended by anything disgusting. This will come back to bite me in a moment**

Me: “You earned it. Now come on,”
** Here I wave the toilet brush at him and usher him into the boys bathroom which only by the grace of God and the lack of the Health Inspector making house calls, has not been condemned**

Drew: “ok”
**Drew is not upset any more, He is making designs with the toilet cleaner by waving the spout all around the toilet and watching everything turn blue. He is literally inches from the toilet and not gagging or dry heaving at all. This is very off-putting to me**

Me: “Make sure you brush all the way around and clean the underneath of the lid.”
** He is scrubbing everywhere and not complaining at all. This is not punishment for anyone but me.””

Drew now cleans the toilets regularly—even taking his brother’s turns.

AND he has taught himself to cook on the stove and makes a mean fried quesadilla, mac n cheese, Oodles of Noodles and a lot of simple meals.

Every time he finishes preparing a meal he reminds me that he did not burn the house down. But, he has, without fail, used very utensil in the house and left a huge mess to clean up. That lesson will be next summer….

And there you have it. We are all a little older and wiser. Well some of us, anyway, I think I only fall into the older category.

We didn’t take any fantastic vacations, see any spectacular shows or venture too far from home this year. But, I think, sometimes it is more of an adventure to make something from nothing. With all the big things going on, it is easy to miss the little ones and the unexpected gifts they offer.


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Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

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