Dear Miley

I have had many requests to weigh in on the Miley Cyrus episode…. So here you go.
Dear Miley, Hi there! You don’t know me. I don’t follow you on Twitter or Instagram nor have I seen the thousands of “selfies” that you have purportedly posted on all manner of social media. But, really, one would have to be living under a rock not to know about your performance on MTV the other night. You bumped …Syria as the lead story on the morning news shows Monday morning, so congrats on that. Um, I think. Do you remember when you sang about “arriving at LAX with my dream and my cardigan?” Well, I am not sure how that whole dream scenario is working out for you but the cardigan certainly would have come in handy on Sunday night. I am hoping that you didn’t pay much for that costume because 1) there wasn’t much to it material wise and 2) you can’t return it because everyone on the planet knows you twerked in it with Robin Thicke. There is probably a twerk clause somewhere on the receipt right above where they detail their exchange policy 3) You can’t wear it again, it was distinctive that way. The good news is that your outfit helped the world overlook Robin Thicke’s get-up which made him resemble a basketball referee at a clown college.  His stylist owes you a debt of gratitude on that one. Have you watched any of the You Tube footage? There is a great shot of Jada Pinkett Smith who looks like she threw up a little in her mouth. The rest of the Smith family was wide eyed and alarmed. This is the couple who came out in favor of open marriage and you managed to shock them. Again, congratulations, I think. Your publicist is working on a 24/7 cycle right now and is eternally grateful that one six minute performance will actually fund her new home in Malibu. Maybe she will rent you a room when it all falls apart if it hasn’t already. I am sure the phone is ringing off the hook. Although it is probably Star War’s Princess Leia calling to ask that you just stop botching up a perfectly good hairstyle.  You can let that one go to voicemail. Rolling Stone praised you, which must have been a big moment. But, before you get too heady remember that they just featured the Boston Bomber on the cover so they know all about crazy. I like your new song, I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. On stage, the first time you stuck out your rear and touched your toes suggestively I thought you had surely dropped a contact or had a bad stomach cramp. But once you added the foam finger to the routine, I had to abandon all hope.  I have one burning question.  Was there a rehearsal? Didn’t someone who has some sense of what is and is not entertaining, see this and think maybe a performance that alternated between pleasuring yourself and sticking out your abnormally long tongue would be bad? Really, really bad? Listen, I am just a suburban mom so maybe I don’t know that giant, dancing teddy bear heads are all the rage. And maybe I didn’t see the memo stating that getting freaky with a giant, dancing teddy bear head is what all the kids are doing these days. What do I know? I am driving around oblivious in my Yukon all day never once thinking about stripping down to my Spanx when I hear the opening chords of “Blurred Lines.” So, we don’t have a lot in common you and I. But I was a young girl a long, long time ago. Before compact discs and texting. Pre-dating cable and the internet. Previous to You Tube and iTunes. And all the other ways which will ensure that this performance will live on in infamy. Do us all a favor and reinvent yourself again; with clothes, some singing lessons and some pride. You seem to have lost all of these somewhere along “The Climb.”
A Mom Who Wishes It Wasn’t Illegal to Slap Some Sense Into You

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Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

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