Day 9, 2012

For those of you reading this who have met Drew, you know that he is a big kid. I have always contended that this was because his heart was so huge, he needed a lot of body to support all of that love. Well, the Rockville Football League (RFL) is not concerned with the size of any of their players’ vital organs, they have weight limits. And Drew is 4lbs shy of where he needs to be for weigh-ins in a week.

We have danced this dance before and Drew dropped three pounds in two days. However, it was an extreme celery-filled exercise in torture that I really did not want to repeat. So, we began talking to Drew a few weeks ago about cutting back on food and getting in some workouts. Of course, we were on vacation at the time so we were a little lackluster in the enforcement department.

So, I decided that the only way to make this work was to have the entire family buckle down with Drew. I outlined a plan of no desserts, soda, cereal or fast food and more vegetables and protein. Mark is a nutritionist’s dream so this was going to be virtually status quo for him. Mac and Reed were looking at a life-style overhaul and were sure they were going to starve to death. I, meanwhile, knew that managing this regimen was going to be the equivalent of a full-time job.

At the grocery store, I skipped some aisles all together and lingered in the produce section. Drew likes pretty much everything but feeding the other two boys was going to be challenging. Mac and Drew both like green and red peppers so picked up those. Drew likes raw broccoli so I plucked a bunch and put that in the cart as well. Reed likes to complain about the fact that there is nothing good to eat so he was hopeless.

I realized that there were probably moms who shopped like this all the time and clearly loved their children more than I did. But my normal, household diet was a hybrid of some processed and some natural foods and was a huge leap for a girl who would eat cereal for all three meals and be completely satisfied.

Eating out proved to be more difficult. It’s one thing when there is nothing in the house to tempt you, but when there is a menu with endless tasty options…ouch. At Cheeburger Cheeburger the waitress asked for our drink order. Just as I say “water” Reed says “root beer.” I then enunciate “w-a-t-e-r” as a means of overruling Reed. The waitress opened her mouth and then snapped it shut looking as if she wanted to point out that she was not slow but, sensing discord, scurried off before I started speaking more slowly and insulting her all the more.

Reed sulked while we reviewed the menu. I kept trying to catch his eye and use non-verbal communication to say, “Shape up and stop asking for crap that you can’t have. We are helping Drew.” But I couldn’t catch his eye, and moreover, I had no idea how to communicate this sentiment short of kicking him under the table. Which was tempting, I have to admit.

Mac’s phone chimed with a new text or tweet every five seconds which made it hard to communicate anything, verbally or non-verbally. I don’t know how he keeps that phone charged consistently as I think it is just going to implode from over-use any day now.

We all stared at the menu, with Drew and I focusing on the salad selections. I offered that since the boys were not having soda in solidarity, perhaps they could order whatever they wanted for lunch and not have a salad like we were. Drew agreed to this and Reed immediately ordered a cheeseburger with bacon which was like a dagger to Drew. His favorite meal–hands down. Why is it that siblings just inherently know how to make any situation worse for each other?

The waitress returned with our drinks looking a little skittish. I tried non-verbal communication with her as well, with a smile and help in distributing the drinks. The final result, however, made me appear even more unstable. We muddled our way through the meal with both Mac and Reed giving Drew exactly one fry as a peace-offering. I left the waitress a big tip as a peace-offering as well.

Keeping Drew out of the pantry before practice proved to be a chore and I employed all the tricks I had read about in magazines over the years. I tred to keep him busy by shooing him outside, but then I remembered that I needed to tell the neighbors not to feed him as well. Drew was like the neighborhood stray cat, he had a way of getting food out of people just by showing up at the door.

Then, I gave him chores to do on the second floor of the house where I was working, away from the kitchen. After five minutes of inane conversation which completely disrupted me, I wanted to bang my head against the computer keyboard. I stopped short, however, of telling Drew to visualize himself almost five pounds lighter, sprinting after the quarterback and sacking him. Cosmo would want him to do that but it was an advanced tactic that would take a tremendous amount of explanation. Without some chocolate or sugar, I was just not going to have the energy.

Finally, we had the distraction of practice. It was a two-hour practice that allowed no time for eating and burned calories as well. Bonus score. When I returned to get Drew, I brought along his dinner which consisted of two cheese sticks, almonds, grapes and wheat thins. I feigned enthusiasm as I handed it to him to eat on the way home.

He opened the bag, asked if it was dinner and when I told him it was he said, “Wow, you packed a lot of stuff for me. Thanks for making me be healthy.” I told him he was more than welcome and said a little prayer that he never loses weight in his heart.


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Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

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