The Middle of the End

When my children were toddlers, I perfected the art of creeping out of their rooms after they had fallen asleep. Not one floorboard or bone could creak or the spell of slumber would be broken.

That carefully honed skill is but one of the reasons women have babies when they are younger. Now, as I confront middle-age, every bone in my body creaks and groans the second I move. The pops and cracks are enough to wake the dead, let alone a sleeping baby.

My body is betraying me a little more every day and I understand that if is “50 is the truly the new 40” then my 40’s are going to be a joint cracking, bi-focaled, nap filled event.

About a month ago I made the mistake of trying to read the phone book. Even though I am probably the only person who still uses the phone book, I never noticed how small the print is. I held the book down, I held it close, I held it at arms- length and still couldn’t make out one word. I surrendered and grabbed a pair of reading glasses that had been stowed in my cabinet for over a year after a guest left them at a family party. The clarity was incredible. This must be how Columbus felt, discovering a new world that was not flat and blurry after all!

I am now the proud owner of five pairs of reading glasses because my aging mind can’t remember to carry them with me at any given time. There is a pair in my work bag, my car, my bedroom, my purse and one randomly on the kitchen counter. I am happy to say I have not forgotten they were on top of my head….yet.

If I stand for an extended period of time, my hips hurt. If I don’t work out regularly, my back hurts. If I work out too much everything hurts. It is an annoying, never ending circuit of pain. All this pain has earned me thus far is the ability to take Advil without water, anytime, anywhere.

My mother has been telling me for years that she doesn’t sleep well and I sympathized but could never relate to her plight. I slept like a rock and felt wonderfully rested in the morning. I get it now. If I sit down at any point during the day, I could easily take a nap. I wake up several times during the night and have trouble falling back asleep. My sleep pattern is no longer likened to a rock but more like a rolling stone that tumbles along until it bumps into the harsh reality of morning. There may even be some snoring involved but I am never copping to that as a matter of pride.

Since it is clear that my decline is inevitable, all I ask is that when my children come upon me napping in a chair with my bifocals perched atop my head and a heating pad turned on high, they have the decency to creep out of the room quietly so as not to disturb my fitful slumber.


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Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

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