Christmas Day 1

It is 9:35am, the Thursday before Christmas and I have settled down for a long winters wrap. I am surrounded by a mountain of empty shopping bags, receipts, wrapped gifts and all manner of wrapping supplies. And coffee. My fourth cup.
I think I have the shakes and it is making it hard to cut the wrapping paper in a straight line. So, I switch gears and opt for old boxes with decorative tops. Most of these boxes have tags on them from last year so I try and save time and match the name on the old tag with the unwrapped presents.
I nab a box with a jaunty snowman staring back at me with Mac’s name on the tag. I promptly grab one of his presents, apply tape and tissue paper and voila we are done. I convince myself that I am recycling and saving the world. Not just being too lazy and hepped up on caffeine to wrap with fancy paper.
It is now 11:30am and I am sitting amid a mountain of empty shopping bags, receipts, wrapped gifts and all manner of wrapping supplies. I have completely stopped all activity and am mesmerized by a movie on the Hallmark Channel, “A Princess for Christmas.”
I knew within the first five minutes (about 10 presents ago) that the nanny from America was going to fall in love with the English prince and live in the castle without the prissy girlfriend she kicked to the curb. However, it took the nanny and the prince approximately two hours of my valuable wrapping time to come to the same conclusion. Although, to be fair, I think the prissy girlfriend figured it out about the same time I did.
One glance at the guide tells me that there is no shortage of bad movies on for the rest of the day. “A Mommy for Christmas”, “A Daddy for Christmas”, “A Nanny for Christmas,” “Lucky Christmas” and more. This wrapping gig could really get in the way of some serious three-hanky Christmas movie mania.
But since I still have gifts that are still hidden in my house somewhere, in a super secret place that only I can remember, except that I cannot now actually remember, bad television will have to wait. I disengage myself from the pile of wrapping scraps, peel the errant scraps of tape from my sweatshirt and tackle the task of finding those missing gifts.
Right now I want to be in a movie called “A Clone for Christmas” which would give me one whole extra person to help with all the Christmas trimmings. I methodically check all of the usual super secret hiding spots and find nothing. Just as I collapse on the futon in the basement bedroom to regroup, I look over and see a black shopping bag in the corner. I instantly realize that it has some of my missing gifts.
It is then that I remember my “hide it in plain sight strategy” from way back in October. The plan was based on the belief that mixing in gifts with our normal clutter would result in no one noticing. It totally worked—even on me!
I skip back upstairs to my wrapping station and the movies have been replaced with a rerun of a Martha Stewart show. I bet Martha never lost a gift and her superior air is getting on my nerves during the gift wrap segment. She has brushed her teeth, combed her hair and has hand-made glitter gift tags. I am not fit for company and am carefully positioning new peel and stick labels over the old ones on my shiny manufactured gift bags. Not a craft in sight. This is why they cancelled Martha’s show; no one can really live like that. Who needs a show to remind them how inept they are? Real life smacks me with that every day.
It is 2pm and I am surrounded by a mountain of empty shopping bags, receipts, wrapped gifts and all manner of wrapping supplies. I have a half hour to clean up me, the house and stash all the wrapped gifts before I go get the kids on their last day before the Christmas break.
I realize that I haven’t actually eaten anything and am existing on the coffee from the morning which explains why I am slightly light-headed and nauseous. Although it could just be the lasting effects of Martha. I shove a few tea cookies in my mouth for sustenance.
It is 3:00pm; I am surrounded by children who have each eaten three pounds of sugar at their class parties. And they are all mine for the next eleven days which makes me think I am definitely going to need more coffee.

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Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos

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Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos

WordPress.com

WordPress.com is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

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