Day Five

The good news is, it’s Friday. The bad news is, my computer won’t turn on. Let me rephrase that. It will turn on, I just get a page-long error message on a blue screen before it automatically shuts down again. It’s 6am ladies and gentlemen and I am feeling the heat of the day.
Telecommuting only works as well as the computer you have, so clearly I was making an office appearance. I knew if I hustled I could get in and get out before the kids were aware that I was missing. So, I closed the laptop–the literal equivalent of burying my head in the sand–and got going.
I put in a solid couple of hours at work but knew that I had hours ahead of me on the phone with Dell. This is not my first rodeo with the Dell virus removal team so I mentally tallied how I was going to accomplish this task in between getting Mac fitted for a soccer uniform, a promised pool visit, supervising the kids dog walking and mail retrieval assignments for neighbors and well—life. Being held captive on the phone is not at all compatible with my 23-day end of summer plan.
We got the uniform which is purple just like the hideous cleats Mac chose, walked dogs, got mail and went to the pool. The pool turned out to be a wet version of the squabbling I endure at home because no other children are there.
Finally, after threatening the kids within an inch of their lives, I head to the basement for my Friday date with the Dell guy.
We do have a desk-top downstairs but it is slow and inconvenient. It does come in handy when I need to bring up the Dell website and troubleshoot before I place the inevitable call. After trying safe mode, logging in, logging off and every entry in the troubleshotting section, I dialed.
I was in survival mode. I was entering the wilds of the Dell tech line and had no idea when I would emerge. I had water, snacks, both computers, my serial tag number, my model number and no children. Although I was not so sure my kids would not pay me visit at some point lurking around the camp sight like hungry bears.
In earlier calls, I have noticed that the Dell guys court you. It is always “lovely” to hear from me. They are always very sorry for my troubles. They say “please” and “thank you” constantly. They speak in calm, soothing tones and warn you that you may be recorded.
Tonight I was told immediately “not to worry” that Dell would fix my computer. Well, sweet script talk or not, I liked the way this was headed.
Forty minutes and ten diagnostic tests later Dell guy began asking what I had on my hard drive. “Pictures?” he queried? “Yes” I answered. “You still have those on your camera?” I am in mid-drink and almost snorted water through my nose because now I was worried. “Yes, I think so,” I offered hesitantly. He said cheerily, “Good, that will be very good.”
That is not good. That means that the pictures I used to have, on the hard drive I used to have, will have to be loaded onto the hard drive that I needed to buy. I said almost exactly that to him and he put me on hold.
Silent hold. No instrumental of “Bridge Over Troubled Water”, no ads for Dells wonderful products, service and warranties. Just deafening, crackling air. Alone with my thoughts I realized how much crap is really on that hard drive.
In the quiet I could also hear the kids upstairs. The sound of wrappers, wrestling and general unrest wafted down to me, but still no visit.
He returned, announced that the hard drive is dead and proceeded to my favorite portion of the Dell tech game. Fun with Remote! I ceded control of the computer to him all the way in India so he could work magic tricks that cost me money.
Another thirty minutes sailed by as he whipped the cursor around and prepared my system for back-up. The kids stopped in. I wowed them by putting my hands in the air to show that I was not even touching the computer as they stared at the moving screen in amazement. It is an impressive party trick but I shoo’d them back upstairs anyway.
Dell guy roused me from viewing a grade school friend’s FB photo album on the desk-top to put me through the steps of backing up my documents on a flashdrive. I opted out of the pictures because they are either on Facebook, camera or photo album.
Dell guy then said he had “very, very good news.” I am no longer swayed by his lines, I mean how many women has he said that to?
He informed me that I should buy my hard drive at a local computer store to save shipping costs and time. Now, does Dell know about this? Are we still being recorded? It was actually good news. I was no longer worried.
Dell guy liked me and my laptop so much, he asked for a second date. He wanted to call back at 6pm Saturday night to install the hard drive and restore my computer. We would be on the phone for appoximately two hours.
I know with the time difference, it was morning in India but here in EST, I had a date with my husband at 7pm Saturday, approximately one hour into the appointed call time.
We settled on a Sunday call and then Dell guy wanted to pass me along to his manager. I jumped through the requisite hops with the manager. Yes, it was helpful. Yes, I would purchase another Dell product, No my head did not explode blah, blah.
Two hours and ten minutes later I hung up the phone. I had spent $204.00 on a year-long program of Dell support for both computers and would most likely spend several hours and more money purchasing the hard drive with three kids in tow the next day.
The good news? The computer downstairs is right next to the bar. It was Friday after all and I think I had earned a drink.


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Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

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