Day One

Today I offer a timeline of what will ultimately be the longest and most trying day of August—I hope.

6am- Alarm goes off. It might as well be 3am, I am that tired. I am pretty sure I have eye crud but eight days, three states and lots of bad food and alcohol will do that. Pick at eyes and stumble downstairs.

6:10am- Realize that no one has come and tackled the pile of bags, clothes, souvenirs and God knows what else piled inside the front door.

8am- Climb in shower after working for two hours and answering the “what is for breakfast?” question approximately 15 times from Reed. The answer is the same each time, whatever you can find in the pile by the front door.

9am- Share with the boys my most excellent plan for the day including dropping the boys at the library, walking to work, giving them money for a trip to the Fractured Prune for a hot donut and letting them wander around town center while I work. I know this is a solid plan because it includes donuts.

9:10am- Mac nixes plan by saying that his brothers will fight at the library, the Fractured Prune and at all stops in between and he would rather just watch them at home. My chocolate frosted plan is melting before my eyes.

10:10am- I finally leave for work. All boys have homework assignments and money for a trip up the hill to Five Below. Apparently, fighting in our own neighborhood is slightly more respectable so Mac agrees to the outing.

10:15am- The garage door is closing as my cell rings for the first call from home. It is Drew. “Do I have to listen to Mac, he is stupid” “He is not stupid honey, he is just mean. Yes you have to listen. Just go to your room and read your summer book.” He sighs and hangs up. I sigh and want to drive my car into the lake at the entrance to the neighborhood.

10:30-1:00pm- Arrive at my office to a week’s worth of paper, mail etc. Remember I never ate breakfast and suck on two almonds that I find in the bottom of a canister in my desk. Could live off the fat of vacation for at least three days. I speak with my children or answer texts from Mac ten times during my office stay. All conversations end the same way, “I cannot have this conversation right now, I am at work. Figure it out.” The emergency topics include the bag from Five Below splitting on the way home, Reed locking Drew out of their room and a car driving through the alley that they don’t recognize. Begin thinking that I need to start keeping a stash of something stronger than almonds in my desk drawer.

2pm- Arrive home with Lunchables for everyone and am momentarily restored to my former glory as #1 mom. I eat a salad and marvel that the house actually could look worse than it did when I left. The clutter has spawned new clutter.

2:15-4pm- Methodically unpack and attempt to restore order to the house. All the while resisting the urge to sit in a chair and stare into space, pretending Reed and Drew are not bickering about who can play with whom’s friends. Ask Mac seven times to carry his bags from the trip into his room and unpack them as he lay sprawled in the wii room with the controller glued to his hand.

4pm- Start searching the house for football gear in anticipation of Reed and Drew having their first practice. End up using velcro to attach the pads that are missing snaps and hope Drew doesn’t notice.

4:30-5:15- The entire 45 minutes is a blur of yelling, water bottle searches and equipment leading up to 5:30 football practice.

5:30-8pm- Football practices. Reed has missed equipment pickup while on vacation so is a breeze to drop off with just water and a mouthguard. No time to boil mouthguards so cut them down with scissors and will worry about resulting dental bills later. Drew is in full gear in 90 degree heat but soldiers on for a full two hour workout. Arrange a ride for Reed from his practice to Drews. Text Mark to tell him that anything that didn’t rot in the fridge while we were away, is his for the taking for dinner. Curse myself for forgetting bug spray.

8:10pm- Pile all three smelly boys back into the car. Drive across from practice field to let kids have half price Italian Ice before heading to equipment shed to pick up Reed’s helmet. Have to pay in all quarters because no cash left from vacation. Takes a while for the boys to count it out but soon on our way.

8:35- Arrive at equipment shed and see several folks in line that we know. As I leave the line to chat all three boys follow. I realize after just a moment and try and hop back into our place. Woman behind us is having no part of it. She solidly places herself in front of me and is not budging. I am having non-Christian thoughts so take the high road. Kids are clearly annoyed at the butting woman and her obnoxious child but this is a teachable moment so I just smile and swat at the mosquitos.

9pm- Still in line at the equipment shed. Because it is the only building with lights on for miles, it is a beacon for every flying, stinging, annoying creature and I curse myself again for the lack of bug spray.

9:15pm- Mean, butting woman and her son are not really registered for football and consequently not on equipment list. She must return to her car for supporting documentation. I grit my teeth and scratch the welts on my leg as she leaves and the kids eyes implore: WE SHOULD BE IN FRONT OF HER!

9:30pm- Reed finally gets his turn. It is so crowded that they make us find our own name on the list and check it off while they start to fit Reed with helmet and pads. After several tries, Reed has the perfect helmet. We then realize that it is Drew’s helmet from last year. We know this because it has a stars and stripes football sticker smack in the middle that cannot ever be removed. The equipment guru then takes a few more gnat-ridden moments to lecture us about putting non-sanctioned stickers on our helmets. Mean, butting lady snickers at our predicament but we get the last laugh because we are finished and she is still there increasing her chances of contracting West Nile Disease by the minute.

10pm- Arrive home as children announce they need dinner. They need dinner, I need tranquilizers. We all have needs. Shove bagels, apples and anything quick into them and they shuffle off to bed. Any progress I made in the organizing category is now defunct as pads, helmets and gear are strewn all over the family room.

11pm- A mere 17 hours after the day started, I put my head on the pillow and am asleep before Mark can brush his teeth.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sarah Keating
    Aug 09, 2011 @ 16:48:49

    Love it! Well, not your day, your day sounded pretty lousy. But I love that you wrote it all down for us. Please continue….it does make me feel better:)


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Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

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