Snore, Snore Go Away…

I can barely see the clock but I know that the first number is a 3. So, it’s three something in the morning. Beautiful. Fluff the pillow, pull up the covers and just go back to sleep. Easy, right? Well, yes except someone is using a buzz saw in my room and  it is right next to me in bed. The saw operator is my husband and the buzzing is actually incessant snoring.  I roll over, hitch up on one elbow and peer at him. My eyes bore into him, willing it to stop. Nothing. Just the ear splitting snort, rasp and rail of a professional snorer. By the way, I’m not sure if snorer is a word, but for the purposes of this essay it is.  So, I make a big show of getting comfortable. Pull some covers off him, grab my pillow, turn it over and sigh a few times all in the hopes that he will accidentally wake up and roll over. I used to nudge him and tell him I was afraid that he was going to die in his sleep from apnea, but he saw through that a long time ago. He emits long and steady, Fred Flintstone raising the roof in Bedrock kind of snores. Not dangerous or worrisome just really LOUD. Now, in his defense, my husband swears that I also snore but that he sleeps through it. Well, first I think that is patently untrue. Secondly, if you snore and it doesn’t keep anyone awake, who cares? Sort of like the tree falling in the forest and all that. I’ve thought of ear plugs but with three kids in the house  that option concerns me. Although, none of them have ever been shy about marching into my room, jabbing me in the shoulder and yelling “MOM” at all hours of the night. All of which my snoring husband sleeps right through. A whole secret world full of nightmares, medicine and vomit exists while my husband snores away. I see now that the clock has flipped to 4am. I start to mentally do the math in my head. I went to bed at 10:30. But, by the time I moved all the laundry off the bed, stared in the bathroom mirror cursing adult acne and checked on the kids it was probably close to 11pm. So, if I fall asleep right now I would have a whopping total of less than six hours sleep deducting the hour or so I have been obsessing over how to stop the snoring.  Must sleep now. Must sleep now. I finally give up and just shove him over on his side facing away from me. He lets out a disgruntled “Hrrmph” and rolls over without incident. Okay, now we are in business. Flip pillow to cool side and settle in. What seems like moments later I am awakened again by a loud buzzing noise. This time it is the alarm and, of course, my husband is snoring right through it.


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Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

Magnificence in the Mundane

Finding humor in kids and chaos is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

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